Karcher 1750 PSI Pressure WasherKarcher 1750 PSI Pressure Washer

It’ll Really Pressure Buttons

Anyone who knows me knows that I do things all the way.

When I build a deck, I overbuild that deck. When I cast for panfish, I nonetheless use 80-pound test line. When I grill over “instant light” charcoal, I still drench it in a half-bottle of lighter fluid to make sure it gets real hot, real fast.

So naturally I was attracted to the Karcher 1750 PSI pressure washer right away. I think—after custom modification—it’d be perfect for a project I’m working on.

See, most people would look at this thing, with its DirtBlaster Spray Wand for heavy-duty cleaning and its Vario Power Spray Wand for adjustable pressure, and they’d think “awesome, with this I can clean everything from mossy bricks to fragile window screens.” And that’s what it’s made for, I guess. It’s got an onboard detergent tank for easy sudsing, and an ergonomic upright design for maneuverability. Also, it can draw its water from a standing source, you don’t necessarily have to have a faucet available. Convenient, if you’re washing the driveway.

But washing the driveway sounds pretty boring to me. I’ve got more ambitious plans for mine.

See, I’m redoing my downstairs bathroom, and I have this idea to repurpose the Karcher pressure washer as a high-powered, industrial-strength, superhygienic bidet.

It’s going to be great. You should come over and test-drive it when I’ve got it all installed! One quick burst from the Karcher and I bet you’ll be cleaner back there than you’ve ever been in your life. It’s going to be exhilarating.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Equipped with two spray wands, the K 3.47 is able to tackle any cleaning project around the home
• DirtBlaster Spray Wand cleans heavily soiled brick, stone, concrete, metal and other non-delicate surfaces
• Vario Power Spray (VPS) Wand allows you to adjust the pressure right on the wand; the lowest setting automatically applies detergent
• Onboard detergent tank makes detergent application simple
• Upright, ergonomic design makes it easy to maneuver and takes up very little storage space
• Can draw water from a standing source, a feature that comes in handy when a water faucet is not available
• Much quieter than a gasoline pressure washer and certified by CSA International for safety
• Perfect for residential neighborhoods and subdivisions

Specifications:

• Operating Pressure: 1750 PSI
• Power Supply: 120V / 60 Hz Induction Motor
• Water Volume: 1.5 Gallons per minute (GPM), Direct-Drive Axial Pump
• Maximum Water Inlet Temp: 104° F
• Weight (without accessories): 33 lbs
• Dimensions: 12” x 11” x 33.5”(L x W x H)

Additional Photos:

• Karcher K 3.47 Pressure Washer
• Accessory Storage
• Trigger Gun
• High Pressure Inlet/Outlet

In the box:

• Karcher K 3.47 Pressure Washer
• High Pressure Hose (25ft)
• Trigger Gun
• Vario Power Spray Wand
• DirtBlaster® Spray Wand

Hammacher Schlemmer Digital Photo ConverterHammacher Schlemmer Digital Photo Converter

Single White Dracinstein Seeks Weremummy For Friendship, More

Vlah! It is I! The fiendish Dracinstein! A man made by man and bitten by bat to become a golem-like vampire cursed to forever walk the Earth!

And today, on Halloween, is the only day that I can actually go out of the house. Well, by day, I mean after sunset. It’s really a pretty busy evening for me, doing all my grocery shopping for the year, meeting with the landlord about rent, maybe catching a show if there’s time. But most especially, I try to hit every costume contest that gives away a cash prize. Because it’s that money which will keep me going for the rest of the year. Do you know how hard it is to find a job you can do from home after sunset that doesn’t include the word “blogger” in the title?

It’s sad that, as a Dracinstein, I can’t be photographed. Thankfully, modern technology lets me get around that. With my Hammacher Schlemmer Photograph Converter, I’m able to make a digital copy of any non-glossy picture, fast and easy. I’ve got exposure control, color balance, 10 bits per color channel and a 5 MP CMOS scanner inside. It’s basically taking a picture of a picture! And there’s no rule that I can’t have a picture of my picture taken, is there? No, there’s not. I looked it up.

So for the other 364 days of the year, I stay hidden in my mansion, trying very hard to convince the delivery place not to put any garlic whatsoever in my Pad Thai, and converting lots of old pictures with my Hammacher Schlemmer Photograph Converter. Then I draw myself in with a magic marker. I’ve actually gotten quite good over the years, some people say I could do portraits. But you know the art world, it’s really all about who you know. Oh, I’m getting off the subject here, after I draw myself in, I take another picture, and poof! It’s like I was really there! It’s a Dracinstein’s dream!

Naturally, you mere mortals might use it to archive old hand-me-down pictures of great-grandparents, or maybe digitize special photos that you want to keep. It could even be a great family project. But for a Dracinstein like me, it’s really just a great way to kill a little time between Halloweens. Hey, if you’re ever in the neighborhood, could you maybe knock on the door? I really want someone to play iPhone Monopoly with. I’ve got the Bluetooth all set up, you won’t even need to come in. And if you do, you have my word that when my rampaging fury is unleashed, I’ll certainly kill you last. Vlah. Vlah vlah.

Warranty: Lifetime Hammacher Schlemmer

Features:

• Quickly and easily converts photographs into digital images, preserve your photos for generations to come
• Faster and easier than a conventional scanner, this device instantly captures the whole image using a 5 MP CMOS sensor, the same found in digital cameras
• Share old photos in a new way
• 1,800 dpi resolution, 10 bits per color channel, automatic exposure control and color balance, clear, accurate digital images are assured
• Photographs are placed into a tray that slides into the converter; the touch of a button records the image instantly
• Power and data are transferred though 1 USB port, no additional power adapter required

Specifications:

• Interface: USB 2.0
• Image Sensor: 5 Mega Pixel CMOS Sensor
• Lens: FNO = 3.0, 4 Glass Elements, View Angle 54
• Resolution: 5 Mega Pixel (2592×1800)
• Focus Range: Fixed focus
• Exposure Control: Automatic
• Color Balance: Automatic
• Scan Resolution: 1800 DPI (3600 interpolated)
• Photo Sizes: 3”x5”, 4”x6”, 5”x7”
• Data Conversion: 10 bits per color channel
• Scan Method: Single Pass
• Light Source: Light Bar (white LED)
• Dimensions: 10.4” x 6.7” x 8.7”

Additional Photos:

• Digital Photo Converter in Use
• Digital Photo Converter
• Photo Slides

Operating System Requirement:

• Windows XP SP2, Vista (32-bit)
• 512mb RAM or higher
• 256mb Hard Drive Space

In the box:

• Hammacher Schlemmer 74597 Digital Photo Converter
• 3 Photo Trays
• CD Software

Acer Aspire One 11.6” NetbookAcer Aspire One 11.6” Netbook

Interview With The Aspire

That’s weird. I don’t remember seeing these two little holes punched into my Acer Aspire One Netbook before.

Yeah, just like, two little puncture holes maybe an inch apart, right through the diamond black chassis. From the looks of it, I’d say they were made by an icepick or a roofing nail or something like that. What’s the story? Who would’ve done it, and why? I guess that’s what I get for leaving my Acer Aspire One in front of an open window all night.

I hope nothing’s wrong with it. I’ve got a lot to do today. The 84-key, full-size keyboard makes it easy to type up my investigations into the paranormal, and post them to my blog via the 802.11b/g wireless LAN connection. First, though, I’ve got to do some research and collect some more evidence, even though the 160GB hard drive is almost full of video footage, audio recordings, and documents. You can never have too much evidence when you accuse one of the most respected noblemen in Romania of hijacking shipments to local blood banks, right?

Then maybe I’ll kick back and watch something on Netflix or Hulu on the sharp 11.6” TFT display. The Acer Aspire One can even show 720p HD video in its native resolution – it’s almost scary how good it looks.

Anyway, enough chit-chat. Time to fire up the Acer and get on with my morning. First, let me open up this curtain and get a little light in here. Hope whatever made those holes hasn’t damaged anything. Let’s try waking the Acer Aspire One up from sleep mode, and- what the hell? What is it – oh my God – it seems to be…turning to dust?!? What? I can’t believe it! My Acer Aspire One netbook just turned to dust, right before my eyes. Damn.

I hope this is covered by the warranty.

Warranty: 90 Day Acer

Features:

• Intel® Atom™ Processor Z520 (512KB L2 cache, 1.33GHz, 533MHz FSB)
• 11.6” WXGA (1366×768) TFT display
• Full size 84-key keyboard
• Multi-gesture touchpad with two buttons supporting circular-motion scrolling, pinch-action zoom, page flip
• Windows® XP Home Edition
• 1GB DDR2 667 SDRAM
• 160GB hard drive
• Multi-in-one card reader
• Acer CrystalBrite Technology
• Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 500
• Acer InviLink 802.11b/g wireless LAN
• 10/100 LAN
• Integrated Acer Crystal Eye webcam
• Diamond black chassis
• Three-cell lithium ion battery, provides up to 4.0 hours life depending on usage

Specifications:

• Processor: Intel® Atom™ Processor Z520
• Chipset: Intel® System Controller Hub US15W
• Memory: 1GB DDR2 667 SDRAM
• 160GB hard drive
• Multi-in-one card reader: MultiMediaCard™, Reduced-Size MultiMediaCard, Secure Digital, Memory Stick, Memory Stick PRO or xD-Picture Card
• Acer InviLink 802.11b/g wireless LAN
• Acer SignalUp technology for enhanced antenna efficiency, WI-FI Certified
• Dimensions: 11.2” (284.0mm) W x 7.8” (198.0mm) D x 1.0” (25.4) H
• Weight: 2.8 lb. (1.3kg) with three-cell battery

Additional Photos:

• Acer AO751H-1948 11.6” Netbook
• Keyboard View
• Right View
• Left View
• Lid Closed

Video:

• 11.6” WXGA (1366×768) high-brightness (200-nit) TFT LCD, Acer® CrystalBrite Technology
• LED backlight
• 16:9 aspect ratio
• Integrated Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator 500
• Integrated Acer® Crystal Eye webcam
• VGA port

Audio:

• Two integrated stereo speakers
• Integrated digital microphone
• Headphones/speakers/line-out and microphone ports
• Optimized Dolby® Headphone technology
• Microsoft® DirectSound® compatibility

Interface Ports:

• DC-in
• RJ-45 LAN
• VGA
• Headphones/speakers/line-out
• Microphone
• Three USB 2.0

User Interface:

• 84-key full-size Acer® FineTip keyboard, inverted T cursor layout, embedded numeric keypad, hotkey controls, international language support
• 10 function, four cursor, two Microsoft® Windows® keys
• WLAN switch with LED
• Power button with LED
• Multi-gesture touchpad with two buttons supporting circular-motion scrolling, pinch-action zoom, page flip

Power:

• 30-watt AC adapter
• Three-cell battery up to 4 hours life depending on usage

In the box:

• Acer AO751H-1948 11.6” Netbook
• Power Adapter
• Battery

Inset photo credit: Furryscaly

Philips 32″ LCD HDTVPhilips 32″ LCD HDTV

The Fiery Pits of Pumpkin Hell, now in HD!

Peter Pumpkin? This is Georgina Gourd, Gertrude’s mom?

When Gertie came home with the invitation to Pepper’s Halloween slumber party, she was so excited. My husband and I were very hesitant about sending her on her first overnight but, with Pepper being her best friend, we thought it’d be okay.

We didn’t realize that when we dropped off the little pumpkin princess at your house last night, we were going to get back a quaking nervous mess of a cucurbita, sir.

Gertrude told me all about it, how you and your wife thought showing MY daughter and her other little friends scary movies on your new Philips 32” LCD HDTV would be good Halloween fun. She couldn’t stop trembling as she described, in crisp 1366×768p resolution detail, this Squash Slasher movie that you must have thought would be the perfect fare for a patch of pumpkins not even in junior high. She sat there, stem shivering, as she told us how the screams of those young pumpkins on screen, delivered through the Dolby Digital and Virtual Surround Sound of your home theatre system, still echoes through her daydreams. She sobbed as she recounted the most horrid scenes of carving and roasting and bailing horrors burned into her mind by the Philips Pixel Plus HD technology that provided such quality details and depth of each pumpkin’s death.

Well, I certainly hope that you and your wife are happy, Mr. Pumpkin. I’m certain that I’m not the only parent who will NOT be allowing their child to attend anymore sleepovers at your house. Expect a bill for all the therapy she’ll need.

Warranty: 90 Day Philips

Features:

• HD LCD display, with a 1366×768p resolution
• Pixel Plus HD for better details, depth and clarity
• Dynamic contrast for incredible rich black details
• 2×10W RMS audio power
• Dolby Digital output for connection to a home theatre system
• Virtual Surround Sound for enhanced sound
• Settings assistant for effortless personalized TV settings
• 3 HDMI inputs with Easylink for HD connection
• ATSC & QAM tuner receives over the air and unscrambled cable

Picture/Display:

• Aspect ratio: Widescreen
• Brightness: 360 cd/m²
• Contrast ratio (typical): 2500:1
• Viewing angle: 170º (H) / 170º (V)
• Dynamic screen contrast: 10000:1
• Response time (typical): 8 ms
• Diagonal screen size: 32 inch / 81 cm
• Panel resolution: 1366×768p
• Picture enhancement: Pixel Plus HD, 3/2 – 2/2 motion pull down, 3D Combfilter, Digital Noise Reduction, Dynamic contrast enhancement, Progressive Scan
• Visible screen diagonal (inch): 31.5 inch

Supported Display Resolution:

Computer formats

• 640×480 60Hz
• 720×480 60Hz
• 800×600 60Hz
• 1024×768 60Hz
• 1280×768 60Hz
• 1360×768 60Hz

Video formats

• 480i 60Hz
• 480p 60Hz
• 720p 60Hz
• 1080i 60Hz

Sound:

• Equalizer: 5-bands
• Output power (RMS): 2×10W
• Sound Enhancement: Virtual Surround Sound
• Sound System: Dolby Digital (AC-3), Stereo, SAP

Loudspeakers:

• Built-in speakers: 2

Convenience:

• Child Protection: Child Lock+Parental Control
• Clock: Sleep Timer
• Ease of Installation: Autostore, PLL Digital Tuning
• Ease of Use: Auto Volume Leveller (AVL), AutoPicture, AutoSound, Settings assistant Wizard, Side Control
• Remote Control: TV
• Screen Format Adjustments: 4:3, Movie expand 16:9, Widescreen

Tuner/Reception/Transmission:

• Aerial Input: 75 ohm F-type
• TV system: ATSC, NTSC
• Video Playback: NTSC
• Cable: Unscrambled Digital Cable -QAM
• Tuner bands: Hyperband, S-Channel, UHF, VHF

Connectivity:

• AV 1: Audio L/R in, YPbPr
• HDMI 1: HDMI v1.3, Analog audio L/R in
• HDMI 2: HDMI v1.3
• Audio Output – Digital: Coaxial (cinch)
• Front / Side connections: HDMI v1.3, S-video in, CVBS in, Audio L/R in, USB
• EasyLink (HDMI-CEC): One touch play, Power status, System info (menu language), System audio control, System standby

Power:

• Ambient temperature: 5 °C to 35 °C
• Mains power: 120V/60Hz
• Power consumption: 155 W
• Standby power consumption: < 0.5 W

Dimensions:

• Set dimensions in inch (W x H x D): 30.8×20.3×3.8 inch
• VESA wall mount compatible: 200×200 mm
• Set dimensions with stand in inch (W x H x D): 30.8×22.5×8.7 inch
• Weight incl. Packaging (lb): 26.1
• Product weight (lb): 19.2
• Product weight (+stand) (lb): 20.8 lb
• Box dimensions in inch (W x H x D): 35.9×24.8×9.0 inch

Additional Photos:

• HDMI / Audio / Video Connections Back Panel
• Remote Control
• Volume / Menu / Channel / Power Buttons and HDMI / Audio / Video Connections Side Panel

In the box:

• Philips 32PFL3504D/F7B 32” LCD HDTV
• Power Cable
• Remote Control

Inset photo credit: Plutor

Screaming Monkey with Woot CapeScreaming Monkey with Woot Cape

We’re About To Leave The Building

Uh-oh. A white cape. Once Elvis started wearing one, it was all downhill for him.

We’re hoping the lack of sequins and rhinestones and gold embroidery will help our Screaming Monkey stay aloft for the foreseeable future. But it’s not a good precedent. If anybody hears about the Screaming Monkey giving away Cadillacs, or jetting out to L.A. once a month for his special enema, then we’ll really get alarmed.

Oh, and that insane shrieking isn’t just the cry of a kamikaze monkey with an easily-stained cape. It’s the figurative bell tolling for the end of yet another Woot-Off. Our regularly scheduled programming returns at midnight. We hope you’ve enjoyed our company as much as we’ve enjoyed our company. And thanks for enduring jokes like that one.

1957 Chevy Lamp with Sound Effects1957 Chevy Lamp with Sound Effects

Get Out Of My Myths & Legends, Get Into My Car

Winko Legerdemain couldn’t believe his eyes. He never thought he’d see one, but there it was: a fairy-sized ‘57 Chevy convertible.

The car of his dreams, built perfectly to scale, right there in the human-dwelling that the Legerdemain clan had adopted as its home. The two-tone blue and white interior…the whitewall tires…and the tailfins, sweet Morgan le Fay, the tailfins.

He scrambled up one leg of the end table, dizzy with anticipation. The key was still human-sized, and sticking into the metal platform that the car sat on instead of into the car’s dashboard. But Winko threw his shoulder against it and managed to give it a turn. High above, a light turned on – and the car’s engine made a revving sound! He, the kid who’d been voted Least Likely to Twinkle at Spenser High, was about to drive a ‘57 Chevy convertible!

Just as he was lifting a tiny leg over the driver’s side door, breathless and a-tingle, he heard the booming clomph of human footsteps. Louder, now. Louder. He mustn’t be seen! If a human sees a fairy, the fairy disappears in a puff of gardenia-scented vapor, trapped forever in the Sparklezone! Winko scrambled back down the end table. Panting and shaky, he reached the fairy den under the sofa just before several members of the family stormed into the room. Which ones? Humans all looked alike to him.

Winko couldn’t stand walking away from all that chrome and thunder – but he must. No car was worth a one-way drive to the Sparklezone, not even a classic American convertible. Somehow, Winko would have to learn to be content driving his boring old flying unicorn chariot.

Warranty: 90 Day KNG

Features:

• Remember the classic 1957 Chevrolet with this finely detailed lamp
• 1:20 Scaled Replica of a 1957 Chevy
• Key Switch turns on lamp and makes engine revving sound effect
• Decoupage Lamp Shade
• 1957 Chevy has detailed interior cosmetics

Dimensions:

• Unit: (L)15” x (W)9” x (H)16.5”
• Box: (L)12.5” x (W)11” x (H)16”
• Weight: 2.75 lbs (without bulb)

In the box:

• KNG E-028487 1957 Chevy Lamp w/Sound Effects
• Instruction Manual
• Shade lock ring
• KNG Warranty Card

Callaway Mens Big Bertha 3 and 5 WoodsCallaway Mens Big Bertha 3 and 5 Woods

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh, man, Dusseau! You’re such a MORON, man! Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, wait ‘til we tell the rest of the guys!

Hey, the rest of you guys! When we told Dusseau to be ready to “swing the clubs” after work, he thought we were all going dancing! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah, us! DANCING! Ha!

Dusseau, you have seriously misjudged our standards for homosocial behavior, dude. I mean, look at Stepanski here! Look at the size of him! Do you honestly think a man of his girth is going dancing? Stepanski isn’t built for aerobic activity, dude. We’d need EMTs on standby.

For real, Dusseau, who did you think you were spending the afternoon with, the Sex and the City girls? Oh, man, you’re too much!

OK, so you probably didn’t bring clubs then, right? Well, we can piece you together a set. Here, I got this couple of Callaway ‘07 Series men’s right-handed graphite clubs, that’ll be a good start. Fortunately your obnoxiously garish disco pants will fit in at the course. Lot of ugly pants on the course. It’s kind of a look.

Oh, brother, I can’t get over it! What, you wanted to go to, like, ‘80s night or something? Guys, imagine the five of us “gettin’ down,” right? Like, hey, look at me, I’m John Travolta, hunh? Hunh? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Oh, man. Too much. Too much. Just imagine. There’d be, like, lights. And a disco ball. Mai-Tais all around. Smoke machine. Boogie-oogie-oogie, man. Just imagine. Imagine it.

Just…

Hey, guys, we sure we wanna play golf after all?

Warranty:

1 year Callaway Warranty

Callaway ‘07 Series Men’s Right Handed 3 Wood 16° 70g Graphite Club

Features:

• Gender/Hand: Mens/Right
• Loft: 16°
• Shaft Flex: Regular
• Length: Standard
• Club: 3 Wood
• Shaft Manufacturer: Callaway Golf
• Shaft Material: Graphite

Callaway 2623025 ‘07 Series Men’s Right Handed 5 Wood 19° 70g Graphite Club

Features:

• Gender/Hand: Mens/Right
• Loft: 19°
• Shaft Flex: Regular
• Length: Standard
• Club: 5 Wood
• Shaft Manufacturer: Callaway Golf
• Shaft Material: Graphite

In the box:

• (1) Callaway '07 Series Men's Right Handed 3 Wood 
• (1) Callaway '07 Series Men's Right Handed 5 Wood

Cuisinart Grind & Brew 10-Cup Coffee Maker with Gold Tone FilterCuisinart Grind & Brew 10-Cup Coffee Maker with Gold Tone Filter

O Caputonia, Our Home And Native Bungalow

I, Imperial Generalissimo Jerry Caputo, hereby declare the Cuisinart Grind and Brew the official coffeemaker of the people’s kingdom of Caputonia!

Once the thrill of independence starts to fade, you realize that declaring your house a sovereign nation is a lot of work. There are stamps to print, monuments to erect, bribes to accept. And for a young nation like mine, not yet certain of its place in the post-colonial world, cross-border tensions are always running high, especially with that nosy old bat next door who defaced the Caputonian flag I erected on top of the privacy fence. She keeps saying that it’s “her” fence and threatening to sue, as if a U.S. court has any jurisdiction over Caputonian affairs.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to be the Imperial Generalissimo. But despite the unanimous support of the population (me and my three goldfish), the business of the state wears heavily on such a small government staff (me and my three goldfish). So I often indulge in a time-honored Caputonian tradition that I just invented: brewing up a cup or two with the national Cuisinart Grind and Brew Cofeemaker. It’s fully programmable, does both the grinding and the brewing, and when I’m late for an international summit or a public beheading, the Brew Pause feature lets me grab a sip or two before the whole pot is done. I like the goldtone permanent filter so much I’ve already promoted it to Minister of Economic Money Business. Don’t worry, it’ll still have time to carry out its coffee-filtering duties. It’s mostly a ceremonial position.

Now, I have to send my top espionage agent (me) on a mission to gather information on the capabilities of the U.S. convenience-store industry. In my absence, affairs of state will be run by the Parliamentary Congress of Senators (my three goldfish). But rest assured, fellow Caputonians, that I’ll swiftly return to my beloved motherland. And my beloved Cuisinart Grind and Brew Cofeemaker, with its elegant Ital- er, Caputonian styling.

Warranty: 90 Day Cuisinart

Features:

• Enjoy delicious gourmet coffee at home
• Grinds your favorite whole coffee beans just before brewing
• Grind off control lets you turn the grinder off when using preground coffee
• Gold tone reusable coffee filter basket so you will never run out of filters again
• Removeable grind chamber and filter basket with lid are dishwasher safe for easier cleaning 
• Double-wall, insulated, brushed metal, thermal carafe keeps up to 10 (5 oz.)cups of coffee hot for hours
• Coffee brews through, and pours through, a unique, self-sealing lid into a double-wall insulated thermal carafe to keep it fresh and hot for hours
• A charcoal water filter and a permanent commercial-style gold tone coffee filter let only pure coffee flavor flow through
• Water reservoir with water level indicator
• Showerhead distributes water evenly over coffee reducing temperature loss as water passes through grounds
• Brew Pause feature lets you enjoy a cup before brewing has finished
• Can be programmed to brew 1- 4 or 5+  cups of coffee at one time
• Program a start time up to 24 hours in advance
• Streamlined European design and smooth brushed stainless steel
• Automatically shuts off when brewing is complete
• Standard paper coffee filters can be used
• Cord storage

Additional Photos:

• Gold Tone Permanent Filter
• Coffee Grinder

In the box:

• Cuisinart Grind & Brew 10-Cup Coffee Maker
• Cuisinart Gold Tone Filter
• Scoop
• Carbon Filter
• Paper Basket Filter Starter Kit

Framed Star Wars Film CellsFramed Star Wars Film Cells

We Learned From A Master

These Star Wars Film Cells are an exciting collectable memory from the classic film series that changed the world. But what can you do with them? We’ve prepared a few examples that we hope will win you over.

If you’re the sort of die-hard fan who has a special room devoted to all things Star Wars, you probably already know exactly where you’ll be putting your Star Wars Film Cells. You’re probably not even reading this writeup. You’re over at the big button hammering on it like the sand people hammered on Luke’s skull, trying to get your choice of a framed cell from A New Hope, Return of the Jedi, The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones or Revenge of the Sith.

However, for those of you who are just casual fans, you’re probably wondering “What in God’s name am I going to do with a framed cell from a Star Wars movie? Why would I even need that?” Well, get ready to learn, padawan.

Reason IV: To Bring Hope

How many times have you heard someone complain about the changes Lucas made to the Star Wars universe? How many times have you heard someone wish the Special Editions could be gathered up and burned? Well, here’s your chance to take one for the team! Every one of the Star Wars Film Cells that you buy is a Star Wars Film Cell that’s off the market forever. Lock them in your basement! Hide them in your garage! With a little perseverance and a lot of disposable income, you might even be able to assemble several reels of actual Star Wars film, which you can then burn in the name of future generations! Imagine the smiles on your friends faces when you tell them what you’re trying to do. They might even offer to help. You’ll be remembered forever.

Reason V: Make An Avant-Garde Film

Each Star Wars Film Cell collectable has a few strips of a real film cell inside. Maybe you’ll get Darth Vader. Maybe you’ll get a tauntaun. That part doesn’t matter, really. Just get a bunch of Star Wars Film Cells together. Then all you’ll need is some tape, and a friend who makes beats, and you’re looking at a tiny little film that parodies our nation’s obsession with Hollywood, or something like that. Good art is all about reading the market anyway. And who could resist Star Wars art? Fill it with a nice mix of intelligence and geek-friendly darkness and you’ll pack that museum full, making you the next big thing. Remember, if Matthew Barney can do it, so can you.

Reason VI: Add Even More Effects

Han shot first? Greedo shot first? Yoda shot first? It’s up to you! Once you get some Star Wars Film Cells in your hands, break out the magic markers and do it up however you want. Then, the moment you’re finished, put it right back into that frame, beside the descriptive plaque and the certificate of authenticity, and tell everyone that your way is the right way. After all, a good myth isn’t about what happened, it’s about what you can change over time.

Reason I: Control The Trade

There are a lot of diamonds in the world. A whole lot of diamonds. It’s just that one company more or less controls the supply. Why can’t you do the same thing? By buying up a huge number of these Star Wars Film Cells, and then forcing undereducated natives to help you get the rest through violence and economic cruelty, you could very well wind up the only source for Star Wars Film Cells. Imagine the power that would bring you among fans and non-fans alike! Of course, you might wind up with warrants for your arrest in multiple countries, but honestly, that’s a pretty cool problem to have, don’t you think? Like that guy in the Cantina who got his arm cut off. He was awesome.

Reason II: Get A Space Hamburger

Diners are a great place to meet people. With a few Star Wars Film Cells under your arm, you’ve always got a conversation piece. And think about how much money you could save if you stopped smoking those little “death sticks”. Why, in just a week or so, you’d have enough to cover your Star Wars Film Cells purchase in full!

Reason III: Let’s Just Get It The Hell Over With

Look, we all know the ending. There’s not really any surprise or twist. Why not just jump in and be done with it? With some Star Wars Film Cells in your home, you’ll have a badge of honor that tells visitors that yes, you survived it all, and you did it with class. No one could ever take that sort of victory away from you. Not even in an editing bay.

We’ve also written Reasons VII, VIII, and IX (honest, we knew them from the very start!) but we’re not going to release them just yet. Maybe a few decades from now. Because, really, why do you need to know them right now? What? You want to know them? You want to know them right now?

Well… okay. Here’s the deal, then. You buy all these Star Wars Film Cells and we’ll tell you. Okay? Okay. Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ve got a date with… our sister? Oh, man, gross. Didn’t anybody storyboard this thing?

Features:

• Genuine film frames from a Star Wars movie
• Double mounted and placed within a black wood frame measuring 9 1/2” (H) X 11 1/2” (W) X 1” (D)
• 5” x 3 3/4” Art work relating to the movie which the frames are from
• Three inches of 35mm film cell clips, about 4 frames
• Film cells will vary from piece to piece because they are hand selected from reels of film
• Specialty designed matte allows light to shine thought the film, allowing you to see the image and sound information on the film strip
• Genuine piece of film from an original print
• Single prints contains 4 frames of film on a 3 inch strip
• Double prints contains 8 frames of film on two 3 inch strips (4 frames per strip)
• Items listed as Limited Edition below only had 1,000 originals manufacturered and are individually numbered 

Individual Photos:

A New Hope:

• USFC2279 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2280 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2362

Phantom Menace:

• USFC2285 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2286 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2298 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2277 - Limited Edition
  

Attack of the Clones:

• USFC2287 - Limited Edition
• USFC2288 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2299 - Limited Edition
  

Revenge of the Sith:

• USFC2289 - Limited Edition
• USFC2290 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2302 - Limited Edition
  
• USFC2409
• USTR01

Additional Photos:

• Example of Film Cells from Episodes 4 and  6
• Examples of Film Cells from Episodes 1, 2 and 3

In the box:

• 1 Framed Star Wars Film Cell

USB StuffUSB Stuff

Brave-ish New World

The future is here! This is tomorrow! It’s perfect! It’s paradise! And it all plugs in to USB!

At last! This is the glorious techno-utopia we dreamed would one day arrive! The home computer, once merely a thing to play solitaire and write term papers on, is now at the center of a rich, modern lifestyle where pleasure is limitless, gratification is instantaneous, and cats can play the piano!

Anything you can dream of, your computer can do! And if it can’t, there’s probably a USB device for it! Take a look at these new and upcoming life-embettering doo-dads! They represent only a tiny sample of the infinite bounty that spews from the fulsome cornucopia of progress!

• The USB Mug Chiller/Warmer
  No longer must mankind suffer the hardship of warm drinks that are too cold—nor cold drinks that are too warm! This durable, compact monument to the feebleness of the human organism draws power from any available USB port—and uses it to create 100% pure luxury! AVAILABLE NOW!
• The USB Rolling Pencil
  Crafted to look just like an actual pencil, this device’s internal gyroscopes make it roll back and forth on your desk, creating the soothing, illusory sensation of being on a ship at sea! You’ll almost feel the motion of the waves as the Rolling Pencil clatters from one side of your desk to the other, and back! Note: the USB Rolling Pencil is an ambience enhancer only; it does not write. COMING SOON!
• The USB Mini Tower
  What hath science wrought! The “Mini Tower” is a cooling fan, an air purifier, and a convenient light, all in one! Someday soon, everyone on Earth will have one of these, and the combined air purification effect of all of them running simultaneously will reverse air pollution forever! Yes, we’re certain that’s how it would work. For a cooler breeze, fill the included bottle with ice water, and wonder how our species survived all those years before inventing this! AVAILABLE NOW!
• The USB Pepper Mill
  At the touch of a button, this pepper mill springs to life, asking “would you like some fresh-ground pepper?” in one of four selectable regional accents! Click your mouse to indicate “yes please” or “no, thank you,” and the USB mill grinds out some delicious, aromatic pepper! Or doesn’t, as per your instructions! COMING SOON!
• The USB Desktop Mini Paper Shredder
  Early computer users naively fantasized about a “paperless” world, in which digital copies would replace hard copies of all kinds of documents. How silly! Today’s computer user not only knows the value of printing pages from the web, but also the satisfaction of shredding them, almost immediately, with this USB-powered mini shredder! A perfect synthesis of ostentatious consumption and groundless paranoia! AVAILABLE NOW!
• The USB TootXQzer
  The TootXQzer is a USB-powered sonic emulator that can be programmed to make a wide variety of noises, either at random intervals or on command, that sound a bit like flatulence, but not exactly! Don’t blame your next involuntary release on a squeaky chair—use the TootXQzer! COMING SOON!
• The Lighted USB Mini Speaker Tower
  Inhabit a vivid soundscape in this little speaker’s line of fire! With dials for controlling the treble, bass, and volume, you can customize the noise with which you irritate your coworkers or roommates! AVAILABLE NOW!
• The USB Fan Light & Hub
  For the USB device user who has everything, it’s a fan, a light, and four more USB ports! With the FL&H, a gizmophile never has to choose between several equally pointless devices—he can use them all at once! Its toggle switch lets you choose whether to run the fan, the light, neither or both, so you’re ready for anything! As long as “anything” only means “still air, and/or a dim room.” AVAILABLE NOW!
• The USB Aquarium Heater (coming soon!)
  Maintain your tropical fish tank at the appropriate temperature while you email! Powered by any available USB port, this waterproof heater keeps tanks of up to 20 gallons within the optimum range for healthy fish! COMING SOON!

Truly, this is a charmed age, and we are fortunate to live in it! After centuries of tribulation, technology has vanquished human suffering forever! Gaze in wonder at these fruits from the tree of knowledge! Mark well that it was our generation which harvested them! Remember this period forever, for you will tell your children—and their children—that you were among the last of our species ever to drink a beverage at any temperature other than its ideal one! They’ll barely understand! Theirs will be an entirely new existence! Aye, from this point forward, there will be naught but total comfort!

Warranty: 90 Day Excalibur

• Yes, they work with Macs.

Excalibur 601 USB Mug Chiller/Warmer Features:

• Keeps your favorite beverage hot or cold
• USB device plugs into your computer port to supply power
• Built in cooling fan
• Easy On/Off control switch
• Durable, compact design
• Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Excalibur 446-447 USB Fan Light & Hub Features:

• Simply connect the 4 port hub to your computer and you can use an additional 4 USB devices with your computer
• Ideal if you need an extra USB port for a printer, mouse, keyboard, or digital camera
• USB Hub supports 1 up stream and 4 downstream ports
• Complies with USB 1.1 specifications
• 12Mbps support speed
• USB Fan/Light can convert a laptop into a cool air source
• Flexible but sturdy neck allows you to position the fan nearly anywhere you want
• Illuminate your keyboard or papers in the dark with out disturbing anyone
• Toggle switch allows you to only have the fan on, have the fan and light on, or just the light on

Excalibur 613 USB Mini Tower Features:

• A cooling fan, air purifier, and light, all-in-one
• Fill the included bottle with ice water for a cool breeze
• Conveniently plugs into your computer’s USB connection to supply power
• Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Excalibur 615 USB Desktop MiniPaper Shredder Features:

• Shred documents right from your desktop
• Control switch for On/Reverse/Off
• Conveniently plugs into your computer’s USB connection to supply power
• Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Excalibur 629 Lighted USB MiniSpeaker Tower Features:

• Add a crisp, vivid, speaker to your desktop
• Uses a 3.5mm mini jack to supply sound
• Treble, Bass, and volume control dials
• Conveniently plugs into your computer’s USB connection to supply power
• Compatible with any computer that has a USB port

Additional Photos:

• 601 USB Mug Chiller/Warmer
• 601 USB Mug Chiller/Warmer with Our Cup
• 601 USB Mug Chiller/Warmer Power/Fan/USB Cord
• 446-447 USB Fan Light and USB Hub
• 613 USB Mini Tower with Accessories and USB Cord
• 615 USB Desktop Mini Paper Shredder
• 615 USB Desktop Mini Paper Shredder with Lid Removed
• 615 USB Desktop Mini Paper Shredder Control Power
• 629 Lighted USB Mini Speaker Tower
• 629 Lighted USB Mini Speaker Tower Connected to Our Laptop
• 629 Lighted USB Mini Speaker Tower Bottom

In the box:

• One Excalibur USB Device